Counselling Oxted – Dr Kimberley Carter
Psychotherapist & Supervisor
Dr Kimberley Carter Psychodynamic Counsellor, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist and Supervisor.
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If you would like to discuss therapy please get in touch.
Counselling Oxted – Getting Help
Acknowledging that you need professional help is is often not easy for most people. You may have found lots of excuses over the years trying to convince yourself its going to be alright, and you can cope. Despite feeling it’s a weakness to need help the opposite is true. Recognising you’re not coping and life could be much better is a good start. Then the next thing is to find someone to work with that you feel comfortable with, as the process of therapy can bring up lots of strong, and sometimes frightening feelings. You want to feel that your therapist can support you through the many different emotions that will likely surface. Helping you understand what is going on, often at an unconscious level.
Having an understanding of what is behind the emotional distress, can feel very liberating, and will in time lead to a change in thinking, and subsequently behaviour. Breaking the unhealthy cycles of repetitive unhelpful responses and behaviours is part of the process of therapy but to begin with they have to be understood. Often they have been happening for a very long time and it will take time to fully understand what they are about.
Recognising that there is a problem which is affecting your life in a negative way is the first step to doing something about it. The therapy journey can also be very enlightening and empowering, so its not all doom and gloom.
About Me
My initial interest in becoming a counsellor grew from having had what I felt was substandard counselling myself. Fortunately despite this disappointing experience I wanted to continue my own journey of discovery, and hoped I could do a much better job than the counsellor I had seen. I enrolled on a counselling course, and this increased my curiosity and longing to continue learning.. about myself, and about the theory. Counselling training led to Psychotherapy training, and then a doctorate, throughout the long journey my own analysis continued. So I sat in the client's chair for a long time. I feel I earnt my right to sit in the therapist's chair and I am proud to say so. I now enjoy helping others gain their own sense of self worth.
With over 25 years experience working as a therapist with individuals and couples, and supervising other therapists & trainees in private practice. Along the way gaining experience in the drugs & alcohol sector, the NHS, as well as managing a number of counselling services.
I am registered with the UKCP (United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapists), The EAP (European Association of Psychotherapists). I am also a member of a supervision organisation called BAPPS (The British Association for Psychoanalytic & Psychodynamic Supervisors).
Information about my qualifications and training can be found in the Qualifications section of this website.
If you are affected by issues stemming from your past or present condition, therapy could help you improve your overall well-being. click here
How I Work
Like most therapists and supervisors I work online with clients and supervisees who live in different locations, or who may just prefer to work this way. Clients/Supervisees are also very welcome to come in person.
My training modality is Psychodynamic / psychoanalytic. You may have deliberately searched for this type of therapy, and know what to expect already, or you may be new to it, and want a simple explanation of the terms. In my mind the major difference between psychodynamic counselling and psychoanalytic psychotherapy is the depth of exploration. Psychodynamic counselling tends to focus on more immediate problems, and is helpful for people who are not experiencing re-occurring issues that have been happening for a long time.
Whereas psychoanalytic psychotherapy is usually more intensive, with clients often attending more frequently, or for a much longer duration. It is beneficial for people who want to understand the origin of their problems, and who recognise already that their difficulties have affected their life for a long period of time. They may already have an understanding that their problems originated in childhood, or at least be open to this, and want to explore this in more depth. From experience long-term therapy is not for everyone, and is not needed by everyone.
Both are based on the same fundamental principles; which is to help bring to the surface true feelings, so that they can be experienced and understood. They also both follow the basic assumption that everyone has an unconscious mind and that feelings held in the unconscious mind are often too painful to be felt and faced up to. In response, we naturally put up defences to protect us from having to acknowledge and feel painful feelings. An example of defences we might use are denial (of a problem or how we behave or feel), or anger, which usually disguises painful feelings such as sadness, rejection, or shame.
Although I am analytically trained my working style is relaxed, and focussed on the nature of the interactions with clients, rather than fixed beliefs or theory. Clients know their own experiences better than anyone and I am merely there to help them make sense of whatever they are struggling with. Sensitively helping them make connections to experiences & beliefs (both recent & past), and onto a better understanding of themselves and their world.
I offer counselling sessions via…
… and in person at my therapy room in Oxted
Specialisms
As a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist I am qualified to work with all kinds of issues that clients present with, but I have a special interest in some additional areas: Twin relationships / Adoption / Eating Disorders & Boarding School Experiences
TWINS
Non twins usually have very specific ideas of what they believe a twin relationship is like ie extremely close and loving, which is often far from the reality of how many twins perceive their relationships. But not all twin relationships are equal, as opposite sex twins will not struggle with the same issues that identical twins experience merely because they look different. ID twins have nearly the same genetic make up. Making them unique in humans and unique in the world of twins. They are non twins’ ‘twin fantasy’ as they are identical / or near identical in appearance and mannerisms, consequently Identical twins will have the most complicated relationships. Early development will also bring challenges for all twins, as they are the same developmental age, unlike ordinary siblings.
Twins were one of two from the beginning so they will have unique struggles in their relationships. They may try to recreate the twin closeness in friendships and with partners, usually with little success. Twins can experience rejection and abandonment when the other (non twin) refuses (albeit unconsciously ) to engage in this dynamic. I do wonder if it is ever possible for Id Twins to be truly an individual because of this, whether they remain in each others lives or are estranged. The other is always there, if not physically present.
Parenting twins is also a complicated business, as these parents have to manage issues that are unique to the twin relationship, alongside the physical & emotional demands of having two children of the same development age:
- Envy or competitiveness in the twin relationship
- Difficulties with relationships outside the twinship
- Separation difficulties
I work with twins, or parents of twins, living in different locations around the world via Zoom.
ADOPTION
People that have been adopted (adoptees) usually struggle with identity, loneliness, and can experience strong feelings of rejection and abandonment throughout their lives. Therapy is helpful in working working through these issues. Feelings of never being good enough can be linked back to the early abandonment. There are additional complexities for twins, whether adopted together or separately.
If you are affected by any of the issues above, please get in tough.
Further information can be found in the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section of the website.
Counselling Oxted FAQs
What is psychodynamic counselling / psychoanalytic psychotherapy?
Many people will be new to the terms ‘psychodynamic counselling’ and ‘psychoanalytic psychotherapy’.. but both are talking therapies based on the theories and principles of psychoanalysis. Psychodynamic counselling is less focused on the client-therapist relationship, because it is equally focused on the client’s relationship with his or her external world. Psychodynamic counselling is usually shorter than psychoanalytic psychotherapy with respect to the frequency and number of sessions.
Psychoanalytic psychotherapy takes the counselling process further. The therapist will be actively listening to the client with a view to making connections between past and present, particularly with reference to experiences of loss and trauma in very early in life. There will be a focus on the relationship between the client and therapist, as feelings about past relationships will most likely be re-enacted within the therapeutic relationship, at a very unconscious level. It is the therapist’s job to help the client become aware of what is going on, both within the therapeutic relationship and externally.
Psychoanalytic therapy seeks to facilitate deep and lasting change within, and to contribute to overall psychological well-being. Its focus is on the conflicts that prevent people from succeeding rather than on advising on how to succeed, and to help understand and resolve the underlying dynamics which cause anxiety rather than giving techniques to control anxiety. The discovery of new and positive ways of dealing with long-standing emotional difficulties is the key to desired breakthroughs in behavioural change.
What are the differences between counselling & psychotherapy?
Counsellors are usually referred to as ‘counsellor’, and psychotherapists as ‘psychotherapist’ or ‘therapist’. The titles reflect the depth of, and length of, training. Some counsellors also refer to themselves as a psychotherapist, although they have not undertaken the additional training. At this point in time this misuse of title is not illegal, so when searching for professional help it is advisable to check out qualifications, with the necessary professional body.
Counsellors are qualified to work with clients once a week; however, an accredited psychoanalytic psychotherapist can usually work with clients more frequently.
What is the psychodynamic / psychoanalytic therapy contract ?
To agree at the outset a day/s each week to meet. Sometimes life gets in the way and we may have to find another time to meet, just for one session, or for a while. I cannot promise to always be able to do this, as my week may be very full already, but I will endeavour to be flexible when I can.
Invoices will be sent at the end of each month, and advance notification of my holiday dates will be given.
It is standard professional practice to charge for missed sessions including your holidays, or for any reason you cannot attend. Except in exceptional circumstances such as sudden hospitalisation or likewise.
A month’s notice of the ending of therapy is usually expected on both sides.
How long does the process take?
There is no set end date, and there is no fixed process or outcome. Everyone who goes into therapy has their own personal reason, and my job is to help my clients make the best of our time together. So they can end as and when they feel they are ready. Clients have a wide variety of goals; as they go through the process these goals can sometimes change, leading to the continuation of therapy for longer than originally expected, or an increase in frequency of sessions.
Quite simply: the greater and deeper behavioural change hoped for, the longer it will take. Before therapy, many people are unrealistic about the work they need to do, and how long it will take, to achieve the changes they desire. Commitment and belief in the process are crucial for significant changes to be sustained over the long term.
There are no shortcuts and no quick fixes. Real change takes time, trust, and patience, which is no small endeavour. But the outcomes will be life changing.
How much does it cost?
Across the profession worldwide, therapy costs are based on a therapist’s experience and qualifications. In line with this mine are a reflection of my training and experience.
They are discussed during the initial telephone call / email or the first meeting.
Will I benefit from psychodynamic therapy?
It is not uncommon that therapy (whatever the orientation) unveils multiple issues, some of which were totally unconscious at the beginning of the therapy. People who wish to understand why they behave or feel in certain ways and who wish to change themselves find that the process of learning about themselves, through talking with a psychodynamic therapist, can help bring about such change. But it is not a quick fix, and requires a commitment of both time and a real desire to change.
Have you been in my position before?
Yes I have, and many years of frequent analysis. For me it is the bedrock of the profession. Anyone who qualifies as a counsellor or psychotherapist should have sufficient therapy themselves. When you are thinking of working with a therapist it is very important to ask about their own experience with therapy.. not the exact details but rather the length & intensity.
Comprehensive training requires a lengthy period of being the client. Sometimes people who have completed a counselling course will have spent a limited amount of time in therapy themselves. So check this out. Whereas someone who has undertaken a psychotherapy training will have been required to undertake personal analysis, lasting many years. A counsellor / psychotherapist should have been in their own therapy at the same frequency of sessions at which they are working with their clients. So someone who only had once a week therapy themselves is not qualified to see clients more than once a week.
It could be very damaging to work with a therapist who themselves has had very little personal therapy. So it is advisable to check this out, and research their training/qualifications. You have the right to ask, and if they are reluctant to be open with you about this, then it might be best to look for another therapist rather than end up feeling disappointed or worse further down the road.
What can I expect from the client/therapist relationship?
During the therapy the therapist and client will not have any relationship with each other apart from their sessions together. The therapist should not know the client, their close relatives or friends, socially.
What are the qualifications and professional requirements of psychoanalytic psychotherapists?
Psychoanalytic psychotherapists should have trained with an organisation which is a member of the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) or the British Psychoanalytic Council (BPC) and should be registered with one of these organisations. For more information on UKCP or BPC standards please follow the links above.
Additionally, as part of their practice they should have ongoing supervision of their work and continue their professional development with regular attendance at professional seminars and workshops.
A reputable therapist will be willing to provide details of training, registration and length/type of experience and will tell the client which professional body they belong to.
Psychodynamic counsellors will have had a much shorter training than a psychoanalytic psychotherapist and will usually be accredited by the BACP.
What does supervision involve?
All qualified therapists should be in regular and ongoing supervision of their practice.
The purpose of supervision is to increase knowledge to support the therapist and protect the client. It involves a series of ongoing meetings where the therapist regularly consults a senior colleague or a group of peer colleagues to discuss professional experiences.
Clients are not identified by name or personal details in the supervision process which protects their anonymity and confidentiality.
Do you prescribe drugs?
The therapist will never prescribe drugs or pharmaceutically advise the client in any manner, formally or informally.
What about confidentiality?
Our conversations are held in full confidentiality, and will not be discussed with anyone else other than my supervisor. Except in exceptional circumstances such as you express uncontrollable suicidal wishes or acts, or discuss activities which are harming or would harm another person. An example being the abuse of a child or active preparations for the harm of another adult. If this situation was to arise I would make every effort to support you disclosing such issues to the appropriate professional/authority. Should this not be possible, I would inform you if I intended to contact another professional for any reason.
There is a real difference between thinking/feeling and acting. It is only in the reasonable possibility of harmful action that outside disclosure may need to be addressed.
NOTE: There are various different therapy approaches available, but the Q&As above only relate to psychodynamic counselling and psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
What to Expect
I call the first meeting with clients / supervisees a consultation, at the end of which both parties can decide whether or not they want to work together. The first thing is to find a time that works for both of us. Payment of my fee for the consultation will be paid in advance. The first meeting is longer than a normal session, as there is a lot of information to be shared. We will discuss why you’ve come to see me, and your expectations of therapy. I will ask alot of questions about your background and childhood. If we then agree we would like to work together we will arrange a date and time to meet each week, and I will tell you about some of the practical/admin issues related to how I work ie invoicing & missed sessions.
For supervisees there is a slightly different format as the focus will be on your training and supervision needs.
Sessions times are at the same time on the same day each week. Sessions lasts for fifty minutes for individual therapy and supervision, and one hour for couple therapy.
My working hours are Monday to Thursday 8.30 am to 7.00 pm.
More information can be found in the FAQ section of this website
Fees
Consultation fee: £120 for individuals (Supervisees) £160 for couples
Ongoing fees for therapy or supervision will be discussed during the consultation
Counselling Oxted – Dr Kimberley Carter’s Professional Qualifications & Memberships
Counselling Qualifications
- Doctorate (Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy)
- Masters (Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy)
- Diploma in Clinical Supervision
Professional Psychotherapy Memberships
- Member of UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) – Registration No. 05157121
- Member of European Association of Psychotherapy (EAP)
- Member of British Association of Psychoanalytic & Psychodynamic Supervision (BAPPS)
Other Related Qualifications
- Certificate in Psychodynamic Counselling
- Postgraduate Diploma in Psychodynamic Counselling
- Postgraduate Diploma in Psychotherapy Studies
- Certificate in Time-Limited Psychodynamic Counselling
- Certificate in Stress Management
Psychotherapy Links
For Counselling Oxted Contact Me
Dr Kimberley Carter
Barrow Green Road
Oxted
RH8 0NJ